This post should be titled "#gothatway" because that's really how I'm feeling right now.
I know I'm antisocial (mildly agoraphobic) but I'm starting to get frustrated with peoples' inability to accept that about me. I am much more of a homebody than most people understand, and I think my attempts to meet them half-way is giving them the wrong impression. I'm a social networking whore, so I'm pretty much on FB, Twitter, Tumblr, Gchat, AIM, Yahoo, etc. ALL DAY LONG. It's almost unheard of for me to not have my phone right next to me, and I constantly log in to my email.
Having said that, I'm terrible about getting back to people. Mainly because in my old age, I'm getting absent minded. While for the most part, I have a photographic memory, I am terrible about following up with people when it requires I do something first. It's the main reason I'm also a sticky-note whore. At any given time I have at least ten going in each office, reminding me to call people back, check the status on projects, and finish up tasks.
The problem is that all of this has hindered (that word has much too negative a connotation for my take on it, but it'll do) the way I interact with people. I can tolerate long interactions on fleeting ocassions. In-person conversation? Keep it on topic and keep it moving. Phone calls? Don't bother … I'd rather text. Email? Keep it brief (unless I initiated it longer than you should respond with the same LOL), and to the point. Even my IM interactions have gotten shorter and shorter over time. There are a handful of people I stay in constant/regular contact with, but I can only think of two. Even with those two, it's largely text, Twitter, and IM based.
This week, and quietly the rest of this month, are chock-full of events. I have sorority stuff Saturday, work and school stuff always, personal stuff wherever I can fit it in and the list goes on. I keep having these moments where I realize my free time isn't that anymore. It's not mine. It's being stolen by whoever has the audacity to ask for it. It's getting to the point where interacting with people is more burdensome than it should.
I get evites for dinners with friends, family reunions, and shows, and the first thing that comes to mind in about 90% of them is "How can I bow out without having to say I just don't want to see them?" Harsh, I know. Or at least I think so. I know it would hurt my feelings if someone said it to me, and I'm pretty sure I'm the least sensitive of the people I know. Part of me knows that people rarely see me or COM and they just want to catch up, make sure we're still breathing and all. Don't get me wrong: I appreciate it. It's nice to know people care. But the thought of everything it takes to just BE around them is completely overwhelming.
But on the other hand, I get so angry that people won't just let me be. I make my life more than available to them via the internet. What more do they want? But more than that, do they think I owe them time? I've always operated my life on a need-to-know basis, and most people just don't need to know everything all the time. Better yet, they don't need me to tell them when they'll just find it out from someone else anyway (yeah, still bitter about most people knowing I was pregnant before I got the chance to tell them … then they got mad at me cuz I didn't tell them soon enough. #hositdown).
I guess I love to be in my head more than I love to be in their presence. I am content to see my fam ONCE a year or speak to my parents a couple times a month (always via email). Even with friends, I've grown accustomed to seeing them a handful of times over the course of a year. We're all on social networking sites so there's really not that much more I need or want. :-/
What's wrong with me?