Let me go. I’m not promising I’ll come back soon, but I’m not leaving forever.
I’ve been feeling strange the last few weeks, and I couldn’t quite place the origin of my angst. I posted about it a few days ago, wondering why a passage from They Cage the Animals at Night was hitting me so hard.
I’ve finally accepted that I’m on the brink of what could be the most significant time of transition I’ve experienced since 2007, when I started grad school and had COM. Now, I’m leaving the university and embarking on …. the unknown. No job is solidified, only what I hope are some really, REALLY solid leads. All I know is that come July 1, my life will forever change. I just hope it’s for the better.
While I’ve been preparing for this newness, I’ve realized that I’m ready for change. SO ready. I’m ready for a new job, new people, new places. But it’s as if I’m only getting resistance from the people around me. Everyone, literally everyone has balked at the idea of me leaving the metro area for new career opportunities. I applied to what literally is my dream job in the ONLY city I’m interested in relocating to, and people just aren’t as supportive as I’d hoped they’d be. I’m not even getting good reasons for the resistance. At least nothing more substantial than “it’s a different state.” It’s frustrating to me because it’s not as if I see most of these people on a consistent basis. Being two hours away will not have a significant impact on my willingness to see them, and it annoys me that they’re even using that as en excuse.
All of that is to say that when I reread the passage from my last post, I felt like one of the stuffed animals getting put back in the cage when all of the kids go to sleep.
“You see, the animals that are given to us we have to take care of. If we didn’t cage them up in one place, we might lose them, they might get hurt or damaged. It’s not the best thing, but it’s the only way we have to take care of them.”
I completely understand that my choices don’t just impact me anymore, and I respect that people are asking me to think of COM before I go running to start a new career in a new, unfamiliar city. But at the same time, they’re asking me not to think of myself and what I’m yearning for.
I just want them to let go. Just a little.