I’ve sat back and watched, but it’s hard to keep quiet about this. Do people understand that your life doesn’t end with parenthood and that your identity doesn’t have to be synonymous with your role as parent? More and more, I see women (I’ll pick on them for a moment) who have these lavish baby showers that don’t acknowledge the reason for the party – you know, the BABY? The “showers” are, in reality, a reason to party and celebrate the mom-to-be, with almost no mention of the baby awaiting its grand entrance into the world. It’s as if the party is the last hoorah for the woman, akin to a funeral except in party form. I often ask myself (because it would be rude to ask them) “You do realize that you can still be you once you’re a mom, right?” While becoming a parent will undoubtedly change you, it doesn’t have to be all-consuming to the point where you lose your identity. You can still be the fabulous, fly, go-getter you were before gestation began, and the world will not implode. I promise — I’m living proof.
I always joke that “this can’t be life” whenever crazy, illogical, or incredulous things happen to me. It was never too serious, just a fleeting acknowledgment of the myriad inconveniences that are thrown my way in the midst of me living my so-called life. Unfortunately, I noticed that I now use the term multiple times a day, and the laugh factor behind the phrase is missing. What once was a chance to poke fun at my misfortune has turned into a plea of sorts, akin to me begging the universe to pump its breaks.
Let me go. I’m not promising I’ll come back soon, but I’m not leaving forever. Sigh. I’ve been feeling strange the last few weeks, and I couldn’t quite place the origin of my angst. I posted about it a few days ago, wondering why a passage from They Cage the Animals at Night was hitting me so hard. I’ve finally accepted that I’m on the brink of what could be the most significant time of transition I’ve experienced since 2007, when I started grad school and had COM. Now, I’m leaving the university and embarking on …. the unknown. No job is solidified, only what I hope are some really, REALLY solid leads. All I know is that come July 1, my life will forever change. I just hope it’s for the better.
Life has a crazy way of making you periodically take stock in the relationships you toil over, struggling to maintain. I’m notoriously bad at fighting to maintain what I consider to be faulty relationships. I’m quick to let people in, but am even quicker to let them go. Sometimes it’s with a little foot-dragging on my part, but normally, it’s quick and silent. I allow myself to fade to black, being long gone before they ever realize I was contemplating an exit. I keep running into this issue, not always for myself, but for the people around me as well. It seems like every time I turn around, someone has a relationship that’s at a crossroads. Do you fight for it, knowing that drama, hurt, and frustration will be ever-present? Or do you let go, knowing that while the initial pain of loss will subside, when the dust settles, you may be alone? Well, more often than not, I am the little devil in an ear, saying “let it go, it’s not worth the trouble!”
My new neighbors are terrible. I don’t know if they’re married, dating, cohabitating, or … what. All I know is there is one man, one woman, and a ridiculous amount of arguing. While on one hand I get a handful of laughs at the random comments I hear during their fights (“The devil is a liar,” “you’re a cheater and a user,” and “you’re going to pay for every wicked thing you’ve done.”), I’m also really sad for them. They don’t seem to like each other, though I could see how they might love each other. Whatever the case, they are in a really bad place, and I can’t figure what is keeping them coming back every day.