F*cked around and got locked up? That’s not in the contract.

Bobby Shmurda, 20, took the internet by storm in early 2014 when a Vine of his song “Shmoney Dance”  went viral.  After a bidding war between labels, he signed a multi-album deal to Epic Records, and became hip-hop’s new flavor of the week.  He followed it up with “Hot Nigga” and seemed poised for continued success (whatever that looks like in today’s music business landscape).  Yet somehow, with lyrics that highlight drug sales, trap houses, and violent exchanges (or him and his crew just shooting people, as it were), there was some incredulity when Shmurda was arrested in December 2014 on a series of charges that include drug dealing, weapons possession, conspiracy to commit murder, and assault.  Shmurda pleaded not guilty and bail was set at $2 million.  Yet two months later, he is still in custody, and apparently upset that his label hasn’t been more supportive, specifically by posting his bail and voicing its support. My gut reaction to Shmurda’s sense of entitlement from his label was disgust. How dare this employee expect his employer to bail him out of a situation he got himself into by allegedly committing crimes? If I go out and catch charges, I’d sooner expect to be fired than for my employer to post my […]


Mind ya business? 1

This morning, Twitter is all a’flutter about a photo that was apparently posted to a teacher’s Facebook: The immediate question arose about whether the teacher overstepped her boundaries in doing the student’s hair.   Was it the teacher’s place to judge the condition of the girl’s hair? Was it OK for her to style the hair? Was it acceptable that she posted it on social media? My first reaction is that I need the whole story, but I don’t have it at all. Too often, social media captures a portion of a situation and runs wild with assumptions.  It happens all the time from celebrity deaths to everything else. People need to learn not to make snap judgments when they don’t have all of the facts in front of them. There’s no way to form an educated opinion if you don’t have a full picture (no pun intended) of what’s happening. My initial questions are myriad:  Does the girl normally come to school looking unkempt/neglected overall? Was this a one-time event?  Is the girl’s hair really all that unkempt or is it just that it was “out” instead of neatly braided/twisted?  Is her overall appearance unkempt or was it just her hairstyle?  Were the […]


Two’s company, the rest are non-factors 1

Keep everybody out your business, that’s how you do it. And I mean everybody. It ain’t about having a relationship outside of the house. It’s about having a relationship within each other. When something go down don’t be calling your sister or your mother; I’m not gonna be calling my brother or uncles. We’re gonna work it out. I never would have thought that Ice Cube would be the one to provide the quote that describes my approach to my relationships. But he’s been married to his wife for over 20 years, and I’ve never seen them in the tabloids. (Disclaimer: I also wasn’t looking.) What he said struck a chord deep in my heart, and I feel like his sentiments are incredibly true. Privacy in a relationship is the best way to keep it intact. The relationship is between two people and only those two people have to live with their decisions and experiences. As such, those two are the only ones who should be privy to all of the good (and not-so-good) details and making decisions that affect it.


Got Happy? Pt. 2

In Part 1, I reflected on my tendency to rationalize around my happiness. In Part 2, I talk about how I changed. So after all of the reflection on my life, I realized that my happiness was my problem, and mine alone. I had to resolve to figure out how to make myself happy.  I didn’t know what the hell it was that would make me happy, but I knew that only I could figure it out because I don’t think it’s acceptable to expect someone to give me something I can’t give myself.  And frankly, I think it’s unfair to put the burden of my own happiness, mental health, etc. on another person. What makes the difference in my happiness is my choice to make my life fulfilling for me, regardless of the different factors I faced on a day-to-day basis.  I’ve always had a mix of the things I felt I needed to consider myself established, content, and even happy, albeit not always at the same time. However, until now, I didn’t stop to think critically about their purpose in the grand scheme of my life.  I seriously think a switch was flipped and it was like “Look, you have […]


Real compared to what?

Recently, I was having a conversation with someone about my family. In describing my parents, I referred to my biological father as my “real dad,” something I picked up as a kid when I became a part of a blended family. After using the term a couple of times, the person I was talking with stopped me and casually asked me to “please use biological.”  I was caught off-guard and quickly apologized, realizing I could easily have offended them. Externally, I just kept relaying my story with the appropriate term. Internally, it stopped me dead in my tracks. I was mortified. If I could have crawled under a rock, I would have.  I felt so small and simple-minded in that moment and couldn’t believe that someone I respected quite a bit caught me in a moment of ignorance. I consider myself a fairly progressive person.  Perhaps because of my career field (student affairs), I am hyper-sensitive to issues of identity and inclusion and the  language associated with them.  So why, for nearly 30 years, had I thought that “real” was an appropriate way to describe a parent-child relationship?