I think I’ve lived my entire life in the pursuit of happiness. I want to get to a place in my life where although everything isn’t perfect (because that doesn’t exist), I’m content and have genuine joy in my heart, not the feeling of obligatory gratefulness for having found a certain level of good fortune in life. My relative sanity fluctuates greatly depending on a ridiculous amount of factors. My work life, my home life, my friendships, parenting experiences, finances, health, relationships, etc., all play into whether I wake up excited for to face the world or whether I stare at the ceiling while I coax myself up to deal with whatever I know is on my plate that day. But those are temporal. For me, there was something deeper, lurking beneath those stressors that changed how I looked at everything.
Picture it: You’re dating someone new. You’re waiting to feel the toxic stagnant codependency. Where is it? Months go by. Still nothing. At some point a corner of your brain dares register the thought: Could this be one of those? Could I actually be happy? *looks around awkwardly* Is this lady watching my life unfold on a hidden camera? Maybe not, but it sure feels like it. I tend to steer clear of internet dating articles because they’re usually at odds with my sensibilities and experiences. But when I read “31 Ways To Know You’re In The Right Relationship,” I had to pause and reflect on my own situation. For once, I felt like the article spoke to my situation in a realistic, “not telling you what your lonely, bitter and/or hopeful/cautiously-optimistic self wants to hear” kind of way. It was refreshing to see the tangible and intangible aspects of a relationship described and examined for what they can do to improve or weaken a budding or ongoing relationship. Frankly, it articulated things I couldn’t, and I appreciated it for allowing me to step back and ask myself “am I in the right relationship?” (Not that I question it … […]
Admittedly, I don’t follow college sports or their athletes. I could generally care less, but I’ve been hearing a lot of buzz recently about the possible charges facing Florida State University’s quarterback Jameis Winston as a result of a rape accusation. On December 5, the State Attorney, William Meggs, announced that Winston would not be facing criminal charges due to what he called a lack of evidence, elaborating, “We have a duty as prosecutors to only file … charges if we have a reasonable likelihood of a conviction.” It’s important to interject here to explain what Meggs meant. Criminal charges were not filed because prosecutors did not believe that they would be able to prove to either a judge or jury, beyond a reasonable doubt, that the crime(s) in question occurred. That does not mean a crime did not occur. It means there isn’t enough evidence to prove it in a court of law. It does not mean the victim falsely reported a rape, falsely implicated Winston, or did anything falsely. It means that there is not enough evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the crime occurred. I would also like to venture that even if charges were filed against Winston […]
I’ve sat back and watched, but it’s hard to keep quiet about this. Do people understand that your life doesn’t end with parenthood and that your identity doesn’t have to be synonymous with your role as parent? More and more, I see women (I’ll pick on them for a moment) who have these lavish baby showers that don’t acknowledge the reason for the party – you know, the BABY? The “showers” are, in reality, a reason to party and celebrate the mom-to-be, with almost no mention of the baby awaiting its grand entrance into the world. It’s as if the party is the last hoorah for the woman, akin to a funeral except in party form. I often ask myself (because it would be rude to ask them) “You do realize that you can still be you once you’re a mom, right?” While becoming a parent will undoubtedly change you, it doesn’t have to be all-consuming to the point where you lose your identity. You can still be the fabulous, fly, go-getter you were before gestation began, and the world will not implode. I promise — I’m living proof.
I’m a junky for online advice columns. Carolyn Hax ranks in my top 5, and what I read today made me sad for humanity. In the question “Family ties cause friction,” a woman expressed her concern over her mother doting on her stepbrother’s children. “Disrespected” is in a relationship and neither she nor her partner want to have/raise children. That pretty much means her mother won’t have biologtical grand-kids anytime soon. “Disrespected” is offended that her mother dares to treat her stepson’s children as her own grand-kids and make no fuss about the lack of blood relationship. Instead, she goes on, saying “Am I right to feel resentful? I mean, they aren’t actually her grandchildren at all. Shouldn’t she explain that they are technically the children of her husband’s children?” My answer in short: No and no. You need to grow up.